


Don't Leave Me This Way

by Seekerleviosa109



Series: Left on Mars [2]
Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, descriptions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 13:30:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5377004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seekerleviosa109/pseuds/Seekerleviosa109
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU from my story ‘Ain’t no stopping us now’, where the Hab breaches while Mark is on a mission to retrieve Pathfinder.<br/>One-Shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me This Way

It had happened 2 days after Mark had left to retrieve Pathfinder.

There was a storm outside, so Chris was walking around in his favorite NASA sweater and drinking coffee. There was some disco music playing in the background as he went from plant to plant to see if everything was still alright. It’s not that he needed the sweater, seeing as he could regulate the temperature from the Hab, but it was a nice comfort that reminded him of home. The storm had brought some bad memories up from the last Martian storm he had gone through, and it made him ache for Mark.

_The MAV taking of, while he was holding onto Marks unconscious body, fearing for both of their lives._

_Having to operate on Mark, knowing that they would probably die on Mars either way, all the blood oozing out from between his fingers._

He wondered how Mark was doing. Chris sighed softly. He tried to keep himself busy, and tried not to worry about Mark, but it was difficult. Living alone with Mark for almost 2 months, and then him leaving suddenly was something he wasn’t used to. And he didn’t want to get used to it. He stood up so that he could put his mug in the sink when it happened.

Airlock 1 was breached. There had been a tear on its side, and it had opened up a bit each time that it was decompressing when someone went outside, and compressing when someone went inside again. Not enough that you could see the difference with the naked eye, but the storm had been too strong, and had expanded the tear. Airlock 1 exploded and fell about a hundred meters away from the Hab. All of the Hab’s pressure went into the Martian atmosphere, and Chris was sucked outside by the sheer force of the decompression.

It felt as if he was hit by a train at full speed and dragged along for the merry ride. He landed outside the Hab, on the Martian sand, still conscious.

_Oh God, ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod…_

_I’m going to die… I’m going to die!_

**I’m going to die.**

It felt like his entire skin was cut open in tiny little pieces, everything _hurt_. When he had landed, all the air was knocked out of him. Not that it mattered, seeing as he wouldn’t have been able to hold his breath anyway. The pressure between Mars and the Hab is about 1/100, so his lungs would have tried to expand to 100 times their usual size to compensate, and his lungs would have immediately exploded if there was any air left in it.

_Mark? I’m cold…_

Chris felt his ears and sinuses pop because of the loss of pressure, and felt the cold immediately wash over him. Logically, he knew that he was dying. He would only have a couple seconds of consciousness, and in a couple of minutes he would be dead. There’s nothing he could do to stop it.

_I don’t want to die alone…_

_Mark!_

_Where are you?_

_PLEASE….please…_

Chris thought about how most people believed you would explode if your body was ever exposed to space. As a doctor and astronaut, he knew that wasn’t possible. Your skin would stretch; but your body wouldn’t be blown to pieces. Human skin can stretch too far for your body to explode. It will swell though, to compensate for the lack of pressure.

The coldness though, he hadn’t expected he would ever feel something that hurt so much.

_He didn’t like the cold._

_He wanted to be warm, to curl around Mark in bed, and feel his heartbeat through his shirt. An arm curling around him. Protecting him, keeping him safe._

Chris curled in on himself.

**It hurts.**

He had enough energy to lift his head towards Ares Vallis. The storm was still going on, so he couldn’t see the tracks, but he knew Mark was there somewhere. Thinking about him.

It’s funny, how he and Mark had fought about going on that stupid mission so that they could protect each other from the dangers of traveling to Pathfinder and back. And now Mark would live.

For the first time since Mark had left, he felt thankful for what Mark had done. It had unknowingly insured his own survival. Mark would make it through, he had to.

_I’m sorry._

_It’s not your fault, Mark._

Mark was strong; he’d get back to earth. Mark… Mark would also think he was still mad at him because of the letter.

_I forgive you._

He tried to reach with his hand towards Ares Vallis as he felt unconsciousness wash over him, and imagined lying with Mark on their bed together, holding hands. Mark smiling at him in that way that always made him feel like he was the luckiest person in the world. And with Mark, he really was.

_Mark…_

_I love you_

* * *

 

 

The first thing that Mark saw that was out of the ordinary was that the Hab was missing an Airlock.

He had been in a good mood for once, for the first time since he had found Pathfinder to be specific. He would see Chris again today, and had tried and failed to keep a dopey smile from his face. He knew Chris would be mad at him, but even a mad Chris could make him smile on a bad day.

And then he could see the Hab in the distance, and it felt like coming home.

Everything was going far better than Mark had expected. They had enough food to survive, and now they had a way to contact NASA. Things would be okay. Mark frowned as he came closer towards the Hab. Something was off. Mark felt his eyes widen as he saw what was wrong with the Hab.

Where was Airlock 1?

Mark pulled the Rover to a stop as he felt himself struggling to breathe. He saw Airlock 1, lying about a hundred meters from the Hab.

No Airlock meant no pressure, exposure to Martian environment, no human survival possible.

He felt his breaths getting shorter and shorter as he saw the Airlock lying on the sand.

Chris.

He had drugged Chris, left him behind in the Hab thinking he was safe. And now the Hab was broken. It was his job to make everything, he was supposed to make sure everything was working, and he had left Chris behind in a broken Hab. Not left, he had **forced** Chris to be left behind in a home that wasn’t going to protect him from Mars.

Why had he been so selfish? He had only been thinking about his own feelings when he left, and now…

He tried to restart the Rover, but his hands where shaking too much. Why where they shaking? Chris was going to be fine; of course he would be fine.

He hadn’t felt like this since Chris had exploded the catalyst.  Why was Chris always the one to get hurt? He had thought the worst back then and Chris had been fine, maybe he would be fine again this time.

Maybe he was wearing his suit at the time of the breach. He had to be. Chris wouldn’t…

Mark forced himself not to think about that as he tried to drive as fast as he could towards the Hab. He drove until he pulled to a stop next to where Airlock 1 was supposed to be.

When he got out he hurried towards the breach, and he could see dead plants and all of their material lying around the surface.

What the hell happened here?

He could see that all their potato plants where dead and he couldn’t even stop to give a single fuck about it. He _needed_ to find Chris, needed to know that he was alright.

Maybe he was somewhere inside… Mark made his way closer to search the Hab when he saw the body. “Chris?” he whispered as he got closer to take a better look.

Chris was wearing his NASA-sweater, the one that had made him look adorable as he curled up in one of the couches on the Hermes, his feet propped up on whoever’s lap was there at the time. Mark had always made sure he was sitting in the couch that Chris preferred to lie in.

He was lying on the ground in fetus position, his head positioned in the direction of Ares Vallis, one hand stretched slightly towards where Mark had been.

Mark fell to his knees as he felt the grief course through his body. He tried to hold Chris, but his body was already completely frozen. When he tried to pull Chris towards his chest, his entire body moved with him but stayed frozen in the same position.

“No… nonononono.” Mark muttered as he looked around him. “FUCK! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!” he yelled, as he stood up and kicked at the boxes that were lying outside.

He was alone.

He laid himself behind Chris and curled over him, as if he was still trying to protect Chris.

_It doesn’t matter, he’s dead._

He felt himself sobbing as he laid there, curled around him, holding him. Mark closed his eyes, and could almost pretend that things were still fine.

_It wasn’t. He didn’t deserve that comfort. It was his fault Chris had died._

Chris was _dead._

 _Chris_ was dead.

“Why did you leave me?” Mark whispered softly to Chris. “Huh? We were supposed to survive. Together. Why? I love you. Do you hear me Chris? I love you, with all my heart. Why isn’t that enough?”

_I don’t deserve to love him._

Was this some way for Karma to get back at him? He was supposed to die on Mars, it was him almost getting pierced in 2 by that stupid fucking antenna like a sate, and it was him accidentally dragging Chris along for the ride.

And then Chris loved him.

And then he betrayed Chris.

Why did he always do the wrong thing?

Chris had wanted to leave. God, if he had listened. If he had _only_ listened, than Chris would still be alive.

“I never listen to you, do I?” Mark said as he kept Chris close to him. He started to feel numb. It would be easier if he didn’t feel anything anymore. Feelings just hurt.

But did he deserve numbness?

It would be easy.

There was enough morphine in medical for one lethal dose. It would be so easy. He could get it, get back in the Rover, and inject himself with it. Would he have enough time to walk back to lie with Chris, or would he fall asleep in the Rover?

Or he could stay here, holding Chris. He could never get up again. Holding Chris and staying here with him. Giving up.

It would be easy, just closing his eyes and he was back with Chris. Mark frowned; he wasn’t one to give things up.  Chris wouldn’t want him to give up.

Mark felt himself smiling; Chris would be so pissed at him if he ever tried such a stunt.

But Chris would never get pissed at him again. They would never curl up on a sofa ever again. They would never watch the ending of ‘Happy Days’ together, there would be no lazy mornings, no silent conversations that only the two of them understood, no plans to make it back home, no more subtle touches to show they were thinking about each other.

Mark lifted his head as he looked at the Hab, and the Rover with Pathfinder parked next to it. He could keep on fighting, without Chris, or he could give up.

He felt himself trembling as he got up to his knees next to Chris. He would have to try and survive for Chris, he told himself, and Chris would have wanted Mark to live.

But Chris deserved to live, and he deserved to die. So why was he still breathing while Chris was lying so cold next to him?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
